[Dean's lips flush and pink remind him of a time before he'd drift back home when Dean had been eager to please and that same pretty mouth had been wrapped around him in a carnal fashion. It's easy to understand now, the allure of iniquity, he's aching to be closer to him and to make a home in his lap where their hips meet.]
Dean.
[His brows are set downward and wrinkle his nose over flushed cheeks. He doesn't see Dean's question for what it is- selfless and instead reads it as being toyed with, their verbal cat and mouse not foreign to him.] You know the answer.
[Castiel grips Dean's shoulders a little harder, to emphasize how badly he wanted this. How much he wanted him. Inch by inch, mile by mile, he was willing to take whatever he was given. Castiel leans forward to connect their mouths again, one hand at the back of his neck firmly guiding his hips into an experimental roll down onto the thick heat he can feel against Dean's lap under him.]
( Yeah, he knows the answer, but he needed the answer. He needed to hear it from his lips. And from those lips to C.R.eator's ears or eyes as Cas envelops him again, moves his hips down against him, and shows him exactly how much he wants it. His kiss burns against his lips, groaning against Cas as he squeezes his lower back and side when he pushes.
He leans upward, hands traveling up Cas' body, fingers running along his back as he breaks the kiss again.
Breathless, he answers, nodding, lips dragging along Cas' as he talks. )
Okay.
( He cradles Cas' lower back, supporting him as he switches their positions, rolling them over. He presses against him again. Looking down at his face, at the reactions he has and the movements, all his little quirks, Dean's own mouth quirks.
It's time for an unsexy question. )
I uh - I've done this with women. And not many. Most - don't.
[It feels good to be in Dean's hands like this, like a smaller being - one capable of much less, something not infinite and without equal. Being with Dean has always made him feel more human, more - just more. Something outside of the requirements of his kind, something with ambitions set aside from the typical and now he can give a name to the experience. Love, yes, but more than that. The years haven't been kind to them and trust is partnered with it, trust and experience, and things Castiel doesn't know how to name yet and couldn't. He knows that he'd give him anything and the desire to be wrapped up, swept under into the maelstrom of passion is too much. He's grateful when Dean changes their position - and a little surprised. He's experienced it before, of course, but not the same - nowhere near as intimate.]
I'm not - [A woman, or a person, or anything that can be ascribed to either but he doesn't finish. Castiel's lips quirk into a smile, answering the slight whisper of Dean's own.] Do you think you're capable of scandalizing me? After everything?
( They are themselves, finite in this moment and entwined. )
It's not - ( he looks away, a wry smile forming, trying to form what he's trying to say. not to scandalize the angel, but to be honest, and yes, Cas, your vessel? it's male.
he looks back again, hands bracing against the mattress above Cas. ) I'm not scandalizing you, but you're in a guy. Male vessel. I'm not -- I haven't. The girl - prepared. Wanted it. Asked.
( it's not scandalizing, but it is awkward. sex is sex, you talk through it but not the logistics. when he was younger, it was younger. it was, 'that feel good?' or, him knowing yeah, it feels good. this is different. he's talking through it, making it less sexy in order to get to the sex.
with cas.
which is an entirely different thing. but not bad different. it's good different, he feels, as he pins the angel into the mattress. )
[The pin is only successful because Castiel allows to it be, his neck is twinged a little pink a ghost of a smile still visible on his features when he directs a solid raise of his hips right against where he can feel Dean wanting. Is it petty? Maybe, but Castiel wouldn't have asked for it if he wanted it or if he didn't know how it all worked.
The awkwardness isn't what he feels, that sort of tension is beyond him, he's analytical by nature always seeking to improve, and so moments like these vulnerable but not aren't embarrassing. Not for him. Maybe a bit for Dean, and his eyes soften as that thought makes itself known to him.]
Fingering me isn't unlike doing it with a woman. It just requires the lube beforehand, and then more of it later on. I can do it myself - if you want. [Castiel doesn't even really need to be stretched open, but he prefers it to the tearing and the reconnecting tissue that distracts him from everything else. As far as foreplay is concerned it's something he likes, even though his experience with all of that is somewhat limited compared to others.] You can watch?
( While the idea is foreign, but appealing, Dean has always been the tactile, active brother. As hot as it was watching, being the voyeur (Dean did love his porn at one time), he thinks he wants to be the finger working at Cas. )
I - uh...
( His brain blue-screens only for a second, before knowing he wants to be involved. If he and Cas are going to do this, he's going to be one half of it.
Leaning over him, he drags himself across to reach into his night stand for his container of lube. He snaps the cap open and sits back. )
[His tendency to look at things clinically also pertained to his views of sex, but not here. Not now. This was Dean, and if there's a raucous nervousness beating around in his ribcage it's because of that. Because of him. He steadies himself by twisting his fingers into Dean's bedsheets, something sensory to focus on while watching him.]
Part of me was worried. [He knows he has to explain and clears his throat when he realizes that - and the truth of the matter, that this might not be the best time to bring it up.] That you wouldn't be here when I woke up again. That the city might see fit to take you back.
( Even though history could repeat itself. He's heard he left the first time, left Castiel alone. That the city tends to intervene and take and take. He flicks the lube closed again. )
Is it true you don't remember anything when you're under? That you're just living our life and then you're back?
[Not without you. Something about it seeps into his skin making him feel warm and comfortable under Dean's gaze. Castiel takes his time getting out of his jeans, having some space while Dean busies himself with other things. The conversation gives them some leeway and he takes it, eyes never leaving Dean as he continues.]
It's true. It took a while for every memory to return.
( It's twisted, having this conversation while Cas gets emotionally naked along with physically, but Dean keeps his gaze on Cas as he waits for him to get ready, as he answers. )
[Castiel doesn't see it that way, but he can feel some sense of that in Dean and with a gentle sigh, he leans forward, just enough to rest the scruff of his jaw against some of his bare skin.
It's intimate, in a way that Castiel hasn't let himself be with Dean yet but those memories compiled with these ones, he feels bolder than they were normally.] Everything I experienced. Yes. The snow, the flowers, your birthday at the bar...
In the time I've known you, you've never been much for celebrating your birthday.
[Not that Castiel understands the purpose of it, to begin with, it was more a celebration of surviving another year. Being that Dean so often didn't see his worth or refused to recognize his successes it was on-brand for him to not make much of a thing about his day of birth.]
I made an appearance but I knew you'd want some time to yourself when all was said and done.
( Yeah, that's more deep seated and about himself than anything. Holidays on the road don't make good holidays. When you're fending for your next meal, your birthday doesn't rank. )
With -- some due respect, you didn't ask. You keep assuming what I want, what I need, offering yourself up, saying I don't owe you anything. Promise me, you're going to start thinking for yourself, and stop assuming what I want. Say more, Cas. When in doubt, ask. I wasn't kicking you out of my birthday. But I knew you also weren't ... on my page.
( Well, this is quickly spiraling. )
When all was said and done, yeah. But, all wasn't said and done until late.
Castiel cranes his head up to get a better look at Dean, the tension in his shoulders and the crease of his brow. There's some heaviness here, but Castiel didn't feel like it was anything borne of frustration or resentment.]
I can't promise you that, but I will promise to do my best. I won't make assumptions and I'll speak to my concerns. [Even in the totality of having freedom he still had a cause to follow, things that drove his ambitions. Much as he might not want to be, Castiel was a creature of habit and he was predisposed to it. Wired that way.] I knew you weren't kicking me out.
( He lets his head fall against Cas' lightly, as he takes his promise in. It's like an embrace without arms, with Dean's warmth and Castiel's proximity feeling just as secure. Dropping the tube of lube down onto the mattress, he leans back then, grasps Cas' hips and slides him forward to position him better. )
I know, Dean. [I always want to be with you, is unsaid but clear in the way he allows himself to be guided, his hand on one of Dean's wrists a wordless promise to be more attentive in the future.] The same goes for you, I may not be great at vocalizing but on occasion, you aren't either. If something upsets you or you have a concern or something on your mind I expect you to voice it.
( He slips Cas' underwear lower, over his ass and down his legs. He's not used to it being like this, to being in his right mind. And maybe Cas' dick isn't what he's thinking about (or his hole, gross, is that what guys call it), but sex itself, and doing this with Cas, this propels his actions. He does remember Cas - Jimmy's penis - in his hand and in his mouth, and it's different like this, half hard and waiting for Dean's finger.
His dick.
Picking up the lube, he snaps it open and squeezes a little along one finger. Snapping it closed again, rubbing it in. )
[His physical anatomy is the least of his concern right now, his eyes are on Dean and on what they're doing- about to do. It's more than anything they've ever done together and without aphrodisiacs to help things along. Dean's new to this, he knows, and a wry smile finds its way onto his face, kept at bay when his lower lip gets trapped beneath his teeth. It's not often that he has some sense of human experience that Dean doesn't, and if this was less intense he'd say so. It's something he's going to save for afterward, for now, he was too wanting to do anything but watch him with rapt attention.]
( It's not often Dean's at a loss for what to do, or, he doesn't know what to do next. He's well versed in a lot, especially sex (with women), but he also doesn't want to hurt Cas, or cause him any pain. He knows there's pain he can't escape, it's going to be painful at first, stretching him out. If Cas hasn't had that much experience. But, he'll feel better if he's guided. At least for their first time. )
[Something about Dean being concerned for his wellbeing, knowing full well that he had his grace again and that his threshold was already supernaturally high warms him to his core. The smile that had previously been coy blossoms into a brand new animal and Castiel, clearly unbothered by Dean's request grabs the hand that had the lube and guides it toward him.]
One finger first, then two, use the lube to make it easier. [It's not unlike being with a woman, there's some differences but they'd come around to them later. He had confidence in Dena's sexual prowess, he knew it would fill in the blanks.]
( Dean nods, pressing his finger up against his entrance, locking eyes with him as he pushes in, light at first, slowly, just his pointer finger. His tongue rests against his lower lip, pulling his finger back out and entering again. )
[It's different, to be sure, and Castiel never quite gets used to zeroing in on that the feeling of it a slow burn, a warmth that fills him from head to toe. Dean's fingers are long, large, the knuckles warped from being reset and the familiarity curls into his gut makes his dick a little harder - but there was no paying it heed now.
His eyes are on Dean's, agog, following the path of his tongue over his lower lip.] That's- it's good. Good.
( One finger becomes two as he feels Castiel loosen. He still doesn't hasten his movement, preferring to work him just enough, to ready him, to ignite this real fire between them, he himself hardening at the sight of Castiel reacting. Arousing Cas is arousing to him. It's always been like that, do a girl just right, drive her wild, that'll get him every time. But, like everything else with Cas, this is different. )
[It's slow in a way that makes it impossible for Castiel not to focus on Dean's fingers and Dean alone. Dean inside of him and claiming him in a way he'd never let himself entertain before now. Before this city and the totality of what they'd been through.
After the addition of a second finger Castiel's thighs tighten, and Dean always good at seeing past the surface of things manages to graze a place in him that makes his toes curl and his knees lock up.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 02:04 am (UTC)Dean.
[His brows are set downward and wrinkle his nose over flushed cheeks. He doesn't see Dean's question for what it is- selfless and instead reads it as being toyed with, their verbal cat and mouse not foreign to him.] You know the answer.
[Castiel grips Dean's shoulders a little harder, to emphasize how badly he wanted this. How much he wanted him. Inch by inch, mile by mile, he was willing to take whatever he was given. Castiel leans forward to connect their mouths again, one hand at the back of his neck firmly guiding his hips into an experimental roll down onto the thick heat he can feel against Dean's lap under him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 02:14 am (UTC)He leans upward, hands traveling up Cas' body, fingers running along his back as he breaks the kiss again.
Breathless, he answers, nodding, lips dragging along Cas' as he talks. )
Okay.
( He cradles Cas' lower back, supporting him as he switches their positions, rolling them over. He presses against him again. Looking down at his face, at the reactions he has and the movements, all his little quirks, Dean's own mouth quirks.
It's time for an unsexy question. )
I uh - I've done this with women. And not many. Most - don't.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 05:32 pm (UTC)I'm not - [A woman, or a person, or anything that can be ascribed to either but he doesn't finish. Castiel's lips quirk into a smile, answering the slight whisper of Dean's own.] Do you think you're capable of scandalizing me? After everything?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 06:43 pm (UTC)It's not - ( he looks away, a wry smile forming, trying to form what he's trying to say. not to scandalize the angel, but to be honest, and yes, Cas, your vessel? it's male.
he looks back again, hands bracing against the mattress above Cas. ) I'm not scandalizing you, but you're in a guy. Male vessel. I'm not -- I haven't. The girl - prepared. Wanted it. Asked.
( it's not scandalizing, but it is awkward. sex is sex, you talk through it but not the logistics. when he was younger, it was younger. it was, 'that feel good?' or, him knowing yeah, it feels good. this is different. he's talking through it, making it less sexy in order to get to the sex.
with cas.
which is an entirely different thing. but not bad different. it's good different, he feels, as he pins the angel into the mattress. )
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 06:57 pm (UTC)The awkwardness isn't what he feels, that sort of tension is beyond him, he's analytical by nature always seeking to improve, and so moments like these vulnerable but not aren't embarrassing. Not for him. Maybe a bit for Dean, and his eyes soften as that thought makes itself known to him.]
Fingering me isn't unlike doing it with a woman. It just requires the lube beforehand, and then more of it later on. I can do it myself - if you want. [Castiel doesn't even really need to be stretched open, but he prefers it to the tearing and the reconnecting tissue that distracts him from everything else. As far as foreplay is concerned it's something he likes, even though his experience with all of that is somewhat limited compared to others.] You can watch?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 06:38 pm (UTC)I - uh...
( His brain blue-screens only for a second, before knowing he wants to be involved. If he and Cas are going to do this, he's going to be one half of it.
Leaning over him, he drags himself across to reach into his night stand for his container of lube. He snaps the cap open and sits back. )
Let me.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 07:34 pm (UTC)[His tendency to look at things clinically also pertained to his views of sex, but not here. Not now. This was Dean, and if there's a raucous nervousness beating around in his ribcage it's because of that. Because of him. He steadies himself by twisting his fingers into Dean's bedsheets, something sensory to focus on while watching him.]
Part of me was worried. [He knows he has to explain and clears his throat when he realizes that - and the truth of the matter, that this might not be the best time to bring it up.] That you wouldn't be here when I woke up again. That the city might see fit to take you back.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 08:12 pm (UTC)( Even though history could repeat itself. He's heard he left the first time, left Castiel alone. That the city tends to intervene and take and take. He flicks the lube closed again. )
Is it true you don't remember anything when you're under? That you're just living our life and then you're back?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 10:48 pm (UTC)It's true. It took a while for every memory to return.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 04:23 pm (UTC)And now that they're back?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:13 pm (UTC)It's intimate, in a way that Castiel hasn't let himself be with Dean yet but those memories compiled with these ones, he feels bolder than they were normally.] Everything I experienced. Yes. The snow, the flowers, your birthday at the bar...
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:16 pm (UTC)( But, it suited his purpose. )
Sorry I didn't ask you to stay longer.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:25 pm (UTC)[Not that Castiel understands the purpose of it, to begin with, it was more a celebration of surviving another year. Being that Dean so often didn't see his worth or refused to recognize his successes it was on-brand for him to not make much of a thing about his day of birth.]
I made an appearance but I knew you'd want some time to yourself when all was said and done.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:30 pm (UTC)With -- some due respect, you didn't ask. You keep assuming what I want, what I need, offering yourself up, saying I don't owe you anything. Promise me, you're going to start thinking for yourself, and stop assuming what I want. Say more, Cas. When in doubt, ask. I wasn't kicking you out of my birthday. But I knew you also weren't ... on my page.
( Well, this is quickly spiraling. )
When all was said and done, yeah. But, all wasn't said and done until late.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:36 pm (UTC)I can't promise you that, but I will promise to do my best. I won't make assumptions and I'll speak to my concerns. [Even in the totality of having freedom he still had a cause to follow, things that drove his ambitions. Much as he might not want to be, Castiel was a creature of habit and he was predisposed to it. Wired that way.] I knew you weren't kicking me out.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:43 pm (UTC)Long as you know I wanted you there with me.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 05:55 pm (UTC)( He slips Cas' underwear lower, over his ass and down his legs. He's not used to it being like this, to being in his right mind. And maybe Cas' dick isn't what he's thinking about (or his hole, gross, is that what guys call it), but sex itself, and doing this with Cas, this propels his actions. He does remember Cas - Jimmy's penis - in his hand and in his mouth, and it's different like this, half hard and waiting for Dean's finger.
His dick.
Picking up the lube, he snaps it open and squeezes a little along one finger. Snapping it closed again, rubbing it in. )
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 06:21 pm (UTC)( It's not often Dean's at a loss for what to do, or, he doesn't know what to do next. He's well versed in a lot, especially sex (with women), but he also doesn't want to hurt Cas, or cause him any pain. He knows there's pain he can't escape, it's going to be painful at first, stretching him out. If Cas hasn't had that much experience. But, he'll feel better if he's guided. At least for their first time. )
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 06:25 pm (UTC)One finger first, then two, use the lube to make it easier. [It's not unlike being with a woman, there's some differences but they'd come around to them later. He had confidence in Dena's sexual prowess, he knew it would fill in the blanks.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 07:07 pm (UTC)His eyes are on Dean's, agog, following the path of his tongue over his lower lip.] That's- it's good. Good.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-23 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-23 09:15 pm (UTC)After the addition of a second finger Castiel's thighs tighten, and Dean always good at seeing past the surface of things manages to graze a place in him that makes his toes curl and his knees lock up.]
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: