( Castiel didn't buy all the lies his father, his family, everyone drilled into him, the apocalypse that would be best, about Dean being Michael and Sam being Lucifer. It's hard to believe everything was a carefully puppeted story, written over and over again until God thought he got it right. But, he and Sam and Cas, and even Jack, finally broke out of it.
If anything, that's what keeps him here in this spot, the back of Cas' hand against his. )
Your sacrifice didn't make sense. It's not something I need to make sense of, Cas. How you did it, why. Yeah. It makes sense. But, the sacrifice at all. It doesn't. It - I lost you. Jack lost you. And - brought you back.
( He drops his own hand away. )
And stop with what I owe you. It's not about what I owe you - or - your equipment and your Chrysler building stature. ( The -- luminescence and angelic -- whatever. ) You are this. And more. And I'm not hung up on it. This is not that.
( But he also doesn't know what it is. He knows maybe he can figure it out now. )
That contract is still on the table. And, ( He sighs. ) What I've been trying to tell you is that Steve and I smelled the roses, too, and - he's my sub now. Three months.
( They were obsessed with one another.
His hand drifts closer again, lightly brushing Cas' before coming to his shoulder shoulder. )
Doesn't change this. Doesn't change us. I like Kate. But Kate's not me.
[It's a lot to take in, Dean's breaking it down piece by piece, and Castiel's following along quietly like he's used to. It's good to see him again, have him close. It may be just four days, and four years - but heaven moved differently and time passed there were years compared to earth and the way the days flowed there.
His heart feels full, for the first time in a long time. Heaven is fine. Dean and his brother reunited, and Jack lived the destiny he'd felt so profoundly while he was still in the womb. Things felt right, and now he was here - in a different place, with Dean living a very different life.
When Dean grabs his shoulder Castiel's body sways to face his and he cranes his neck back to get a look at him. His face, aged with the grief of what they'd all been through. It's difficult to not want to reach out and touch it, to trace the lines of sorrow he'd seen etched there himself. Each loss a wrinkle in time.]
You mentioned Steve. Wanting to have him under contract. I'm glad you did.
[Though he's not met him, he remembers their conversation. The discussion about Captain America, Avengers, and how much Dean thought they'd get along. They hadn't had the chance to meet or discuss it further. Not with the snow, and the flowers there to impede their inhibitions.] Kate? [The only Kate he knew was the young girl he'd wrapped his arms around in an effort to keep warm. He didn't know that Dean knew her too, or what he was referencing specifically. His brows furrow into a tight line.] What does Kate have to do with this?
Pidge. Katie Holt. She goes by -- your Dom, Cas. Not Kate?
( He knows another Kate, too, but this is the one he means. The one he feels beat him to a contract. And one of the people here Cas may have learned from. He still doesn't know. Between two names, Poe and Katie, he's not sure which would win out. He knows he doesn't need or want to think about it. )
[Some things were still coming back to him, albeit a little slower than he's used to. He brings his gaze from Dean's hand back up to his face, sighs, his free hand going to the mark over his neck two fingers resting just over the tattooed line.]
She's not, but I did what I had to. I could've sat in the cell longer, but they were threatening further punishment.
If I could do it again, I'd endure it. [Make things right, his desire to be Dean's submissive wasn't in question. He didn't like the position he was put in, and this just further solidifies it. It feels real again, a threat and a constant pressure.]
I'm not -- Cas, I'm not saying I'd change it. I wouldn't want you, any you, in jail. You don't -- what we endure here, we endure together. Any contract you sign, you're not my submissive, you're --
( What? Can he define it? Can he say it? And what would be it. )
[It's not what he's expecting, the admission - even though it's small. Dean's said as much before, in his own way, and Castiel knows that whatever they are it's more than something that can be put in simple terms.
His smile betrays the emotion in his eyes. He still remembers the last words he said to him, after his declaration, after being sucked in by The Empty, and pieced back together again by Jack.]
I know, Dean, and as for the contract of course I still want it to be permanent. [His, for as long as he stays in Duplicity - for as long as the two of them were here.] What was it that you said, "You'd rather have me, cursed or not." Our situation isn't so different here, and bottom of the ninth I'd rather have you too.
( Still, Cas surprises him, a smile finally cracking through the coarse, heavy air between them. He smirks, pulling Cas close in a c'mere gesture, bringing him into his arms. Him, the real, uninfluenced, 43 year old question mark, Dean Winchester. )
[It's what he needed, and hadn't voiced. Skin to skin contact, the dense feeling of Dean there with him real, solid, and whole. Castiel crumbles into him, his arms find their usual home at the wings of his back, the slope of his spine. Dean still smells the way he remembers, cedar with a hint of whiskey, and gun oil.
He's there, and whatever dimensional fabric brought them both together again was solid enough to give him the closure he'd been needing since he'd given himself to the nothingness. The limp in his throat is replaced with elation, and aware of Dean and how he feels about lingering embraces like this one- always aware of Dean he pulls away from the hug, his palms still somewhere close his blue eyes thoughtful.]
I missed you. [Alongside love, came loneliness, and after everything and its totality he had Jack, but not the person that mattered most. Everything always felt unfinished because of that, a constant mournful sense of incompletion.]
( Somewhere deep down. He remembers running as fast as he could up the bunker's steps when he saw Cas' name on his phone. But, that was one big Chuck ruse courtesy of Lucifer and Michael. )
[The title didn't feel right anymore when free will couldn't be a real possibility for him and for life in the city. Castiel's fingers linger as they trail across Dean's lower arms on the way down to his sides. It feels right, being near him again, and that sense of belonging brings a relief that warms him to the core.] Something new.
( It feels right, but different in way that also feels right, hands still lingering behind Cas. From the outside, they're holding each other, from the reality, Dean has Castiel back - and Castiel's back. And he, his. It isn't elegant or easy, but they've. never been.
Whatever that something new is it's on the tip of his tongue and it will come in time.
He doesn't know what will come next. Gossip Girl blasts or anything. But they can handle it, right? )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 06:27 pm (UTC)( Castiel didn't buy all the lies his father, his family, everyone drilled into him, the apocalypse that would be best, about Dean being Michael and Sam being Lucifer. It's hard to believe everything was a carefully puppeted story, written over and over again until God thought he got it right. But, he and Sam and Cas, and even Jack, finally broke out of it.
If anything, that's what keeps him here in this spot, the back of Cas' hand against his. )
Your sacrifice didn't make sense. It's not something I need to make sense of, Cas. How you did it, why. Yeah. It makes sense. But, the sacrifice at all. It doesn't. It - I lost you. Jack lost you. And - brought you back.
( He drops his own hand away. )
And stop with what I owe you. It's not about what I owe you - or - your equipment and your Chrysler building stature. ( The -- luminescence and angelic -- whatever. ) You are this. And more. And I'm not hung up on it. This is not that.
( But he also doesn't know what it is. He knows maybe he can figure it out now. )
That contract is still on the table. And, ( He sighs. ) What I've been trying to tell you is that Steve and I smelled the roses, too, and - he's my sub now. Three months.
( They were obsessed with one another.
His hand drifts closer again, lightly brushing Cas' before coming to his shoulder shoulder. )
Doesn't change this. Doesn't change us. I like Kate. But Kate's not me.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 06:44 pm (UTC)His heart feels full, for the first time in a long time. Heaven is fine. Dean and his brother reunited, and Jack lived the destiny he'd felt so profoundly while he was still in the womb. Things felt right, and now he was here - in a different place, with Dean living a very different life.
When Dean grabs his shoulder Castiel's body sways to face his and he cranes his neck back to get a look at him. His face, aged with the grief of what they'd all been through. It's difficult to not want to reach out and touch it, to trace the lines of sorrow he'd seen etched there himself. Each loss a wrinkle in time.]
You mentioned Steve. Wanting to have him under contract. I'm glad you did.
[Though he's not met him, he remembers their conversation. The discussion about Captain America, Avengers, and how much Dean thought they'd get along. They hadn't had the chance to meet or discuss it further. Not with the snow, and the flowers there to impede their inhibitions.] Kate? [The only Kate he knew was the young girl he'd wrapped his arms around in an effort to keep warm. He didn't know that Dean knew her too, or what he was referencing specifically. His brows furrow into a tight line.] What does Kate have to do with this?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 08:05 pm (UTC)( He knows another Kate, too, but this is the one he means. The one he feels beat him to a contract. And one of the people here Cas may have learned from. He still doesn't know. Between two names, Poe and Katie, he's not sure which would win out. He knows he doesn't need or want to think about it. )
She ain't me.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 08:29 pm (UTC)[Some things were still coming back to him, albeit a little slower than he's used to. He brings his gaze from Dean's hand back up to his face, sighs, his free hand going to the mark over his neck two fingers resting just over the tattooed line.]
She's not, but I did what I had to. I could've sat in the cell longer, but they were threatening further punishment.
If I could do it again, I'd endure it. [Make things right, his desire to be Dean's submissive wasn't in question. He didn't like the position he was put in, and this just further solidifies it. It feels real again, a threat and a constant pressure.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 08:36 pm (UTC)( What? Can he define it? Can he say it? And what would be it. )
You're more. Always, always have been.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 08:44 pm (UTC)His smile betrays the emotion in his eyes. He still remembers the last words he said to him, after his declaration, after being sucked in by The Empty, and pieced back together again by Jack.]
I know, Dean, and as for the contract of course I still want it to be permanent. [His, for as long as he stays in Duplicity - for as long as the two of them were here.] What was it that you said, "You'd rather have me, cursed or not." Our situation isn't so different here, and bottom of the ninth I'd rather have you too.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 08:55 pm (UTC)( Still, Cas surprises him, a smile finally cracking through the coarse, heavy air between them. He smirks, pulling Cas close in a c'mere gesture, bringing him into his arms. Him, the real, uninfluenced, 43 year old question mark, Dean Winchester. )
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 09:10 pm (UTC)He's there, and whatever dimensional fabric brought them both together again was solid enough to give him the closure he'd been needing since he'd given himself to the nothingness. The limp in his throat is replaced with elation, and aware of Dean and how he feels about lingering embraces like this one- always aware of Dean he pulls away from the hug, his palms still somewhere close his blue eyes thoughtful.]
I missed you. [Alongside love, came loneliness, and after everything and its totality he had Jack, but not the person that mattered most. Everything always felt unfinished because of that, a constant mournful sense of incompletion.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 09:16 pm (UTC)( Somewhere deep down. He remembers running as fast as he could up the bunker's steps when he saw Cas' name on his phone. But, that was one big Chuck ruse courtesy of Lucifer and Michael. )
Team Free Will 3.0
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 09:30 pm (UTC)[The title didn't feel right anymore when free will couldn't be a real possibility for him and for life in the city. Castiel's fingers linger as they trail across Dean's lower arms on the way down to his sides. It feels right, being near him again, and that sense of belonging brings a relief that warms him to the core.] Something new.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 11:19 pm (UTC)Whatever that something new is it's on the tip of his tongue and it will come in time.
He doesn't know what will come next. Gossip Girl blasts or anything. But they can handle it, right? )