application for penance

[cholesterol]

OOC Info
Name: Brando
Age: 30+
Contact: audacieux/cas 🗯#5461
Current Characters: N/A


IC Info

Name: Dean Winchester
Canon: Supernatural
Age: 41
Appearance: I mean... Jensen Ackles
Canon Point: Season 15, Episode 20 "Carry On" after the fight in the barn
Background: Here!
CRAU:

Dean is coming from six months+ in Duplicity, a dystopian experiment meant to test the boundaries and capabilities of someone capable of deception. He lived in a caste system based around "Dominants" and "Submissives." He spent the first week of his stay there unaware of Cas' existence (Castiel spent that time in jail.) When they finally met up, Dean realized Cas did not remember what he did, and that the last thing Cas remembered was something that happened three years prior. He admitted some truths to Cas (his sacrifice to the Empty for one), but they remained strained allies.

At the same time, he adjusted to getting to know people who had known who he was - because this wasn't his first time in Duplicity, not that he remembered. Like he suspected, the last Dean and Cas were romantically involved, but until Cas regained his memories or "caught up," Dean and Cas only connected during events.

In his time in Duplicity, he did discover that he might be bisexual (or hell if he even needs a label), preferring both the company of men and women, striking up a connection with Max from Dark Angel and Steve Rogers aka Captain America. Once Cas caught up, Dean was able to accept that Cas is in love with him and while he couldn't promise everything, a permanent contract would still be on the table, and they have to be on the same page. Cas can't go off on one of his solo missions usually ending in their betrayal. Eventually, Dean admitted his side of the connection with Cas and without saying it out loud, knows he loves the angel and maybe always did - at least for the last few years. Contracting permanently felt much more romantic then it should have and Dean reluctantly used the word 'boyfriend' for the first time.

Additionally, he got a big taste of the multiverse by befriending superheroes, Buffy the vampire slayer (and Faith), and others he recognized (but kept the recognition to himself.)

He held his first steady job since he worked in construction nine years before, managing a bar called Crimson. Likewise, he fell into more of a normal routine, lacking in the need to hunt anything, including Dracula who just happened to coexist. He still has some of his prejudices (esp against witches), but he also knows supernaturals can be people, too. Hellboy did kick his ass, though. That was nasty.

Overall, Dean has learned to speak up more, to communicate openly and to let himself have connections outside of the Winchester family unit. He discovered a wider proclivity for sex with men, but very much with Cas. In a place he shouldn't have, he got comfortable. Namely because he believes himself to be dead, remembering dying in his brother's arms. He has since come to terms with it at least on a surface level, considering his life has gone on. But, it's still a sore spot that could easily become an open wound.

Personality:

Mentally, Dean Winchester perseveres. He is doggedly determined when he has a goal in mind. He very rarely gives up. And, when he does let himself, he always pulls himself back together. When he falls apart, he falls apart completely, but it's what happens after that counts. He moves forward. Always.

He is adaptive and good at adjusting to his circumstances. Even when he doesn't belong, he's good at joining the crowd. He's always been the brother with a role to play and a mission to fulfill.

He's the brother that carries out his orders. When he doesn't have doubts about the task at hand, he will complete it. Dean also has very strong morals that have greyed over the years - for the better. One of his friends is a werewolf, and she married a werewolf, and he sees past the 'monster' label now. As long as that monster isn't chowing down on the locals. He's disciplined, too. He will stick to the routine. He'll be the one cleaning his guns and going the maintenance.

Dean's humor is unmatched. His sarcasm is both a weapon and a masterclass in deflection. He will drop a pop culture reference at the top of the hat. While Dean may feign not being interested in something, Dean is actually a closet nerd. He's read every book on the shelf even if he doesn't advertise it, likewise his dad's journal. He has a very wide range of likes genre-wise and it gives him usable knowledge in his real world.

He is also very, very charming to the point of being flirtatious.

Dean is great at improvisation, often inserting himself into a town while on a case. He and his brother identify themselves as FBI agents often, in order to gain access.

Mentally, he also has a very high pain tolerance. He's been tortured before. He's beaten to an inch of his life. On any given day he deals with ten more things than anyone else should plus guilt from any one thing in his head and he holds all that together. Dean makes it look effortless.

...It's anything but effortless.

Dean's emotional and mental weaknesses far outweigh his positive attributes. While he can be flirtatious, that flirtation can turn sexual and over the top on a dime. Dean can dip into the extra side. He's the himbo on Tinder you swiped right on, but that you won't meet again. Over the years, that side definitely hardened over in favor of being more of a "family man."

Dean shuts down very easily. He will hold a grudge. He will give someone the silent treatment. If he feels trust has been broken or like his broken moral code has been bent, he has to take time to process.

Dean's anger issues are borderline clinical. He will rage. He will go off, violently. He will destroy the hood of a car, he will punch a wall. He needs to put that energy somewhere else. He is a furious man. When everything hits the fan anything he holds in explodes. It's one of his constants.

On the flip-side from improvisation, when actually asked to act, Dean is stilted, does not have the talent, and is too focused on how he looks.

While Dean isn't naturally expressive, he does not have a good poker face if he's not trying. He will grumble, he will gripe, he might even whine.

Dean represses years of trauma, disappointment and insecurity at all times. A lot of why Dean the way he is, is how his father treated him, and never believing he was enough for the guy. He always wanted to be his dad's favorite. He feels things deeply, but, expressing them is another issue entirely. It takes nearly dying one of the many times he did for him to say what's on his mind. Castiel gives him a declaration of love and Dean can barely process what's been said before it's too late. And, still, he focuses on 'the goodbye' part of it. Dean believes everyone leaves and everyone dies. He also believes that eventually, between his brother and him, he's the one who will die young. He also lives with the guilt of his actions, from not being there enough for Sammy, for things he did in Hell after dying, to failing Jack the first time.

Dean suffers from depression and PTSD. Often, he's the brother that will not hesitate to sacrifice himself. As far back as the second season, he has a suicidal streak and this never really breaks. Dean does not take care of himself. He's often seen eating burgers, fries, meats, and take out for almost every meal. Dean also has deep, deep issues with alcoholism, often drinking a whole six pack on his own, sometimes alone in his room. Whereas Sam goes for a run, Dean sleeps in. Dean uses alcohol, violence, and getting the job done as his crutches for ignoring everything else. One of his other vices, one night stands, has since decreased over the course of the series. Sex was a vice and a coping mechanism for him, but he's moved past that now. His eye is always on the end of the road, whether that ends bloody - or not. He's just now processing that maybe he has something to contribute, that's he's not as broken as he thinks. He's not daddy's blunt instrument. He loves. Dean does love, but he will express that love in different ways, more in a physical hug or gestures. Acts of kindness and physical touch would be his love languages. But, good luck with getting them. Despite that, he does not have a healthy view of himself and hasn't in a very long time.

A montage in the last episode does prove that Dean is capable of changing his habits, bettering himself, and making good choices. He's just too deep in the darkness for years to see what he's capable of. Even with Lisa by his side back in season 6, he's unable to live that life and have the normal job, because he doesn't feel like he deserves it. And, ultimately, because it puts Lisa and her kid, Ben in danger.

Finally, flip a coin on whether it's a negative or a positive, Dean is greatly self-sacrificing. He will sell his soul for his brother, erase the memories of his chosen family, or downright kill himself if it saves one person he loves. (Hell, one person he doesn't.) But, he will also fight tooth and nail to the death against insurmountable odds.

Weaknesses/Temptations:

Dean's emotional and mental weaknesses far outweigh his strengths. While he can be flirtatious, that flirtation can turn sexual and over the top on a dime. Dean can dip into the extra side. He's the himbo on Tinder you swiped right on, but that you won't meet again.

Dean shuts down very easily. He will hold a grudge. He will give someone the silent treatment. If he feels trust has been broken or like his broken moral code has been bent, he has to take time to process. Dean's anger issues are borderline clinical. He will rage. He will go off, violently. He will destroy the hood of a car, he will punch a wall. He needs to put that energy somewhere else.

When actually asked to act, Dean is stilted, does not have the talent, and is too focused on how he looks.

While Dean isn't naturally expressive, he does not have a good poker face if he's not trying. He will grumble, he will gripe, he might even whine.

Dean represses years of trauma, disappointment and insecurity at all times. A lot of why Dean the way he is, is how his father treated him, and never believing he was enough for the guy. He always wanted to be his dad's favorite. He feels things deeply, but, expressing them is another issue entirely. It takes nearly dying one of the many times he did for him to say what's on his mind. Castiel gives him a declaration of love and Dean can barely process what's been said before it's too late. And, still, he focuses on 'the goodbye' part of it. Dean believes everyone leaves and everyone dies. He also believes that eventually, between his brother and him, he's the one who will die young.

Dean suffers from depression and PTSD. Often, he's the brother that will not hesitate to sacrifice himself. As far back as the second season, he has a suicidal streak and this never really breaks. Dean does not take care of himself. He's often seen eating burgers, fries, meats, and take out for almost every meal. Dean also has deep, deep issues with alcoholism, often drinking a whole six pack on his own, sometimes alone in his room. Whereas Sam goes for a run, Dean sleeps in. Dean uses alcohol, violence, and getting the job done as his crutches for ignoring everything else. One of his other vices, one night stands, has since decreased over the course of the series. Sex was a vice and a coping mechanism for him, but he's moved past that now. His eye is always on the end of the road, whether that ends bloody - or not. He's just now processing that maybe he has something to contribute, that's he's not as broken as he thinks. He's not daddy's blunt instrument. He loves. Dean does love, but he will express that love in different ways, more in a physical hug or gestures. Acts of kindness and physical touch would be his love languages. But, good luck with getting them, unless it's the patented Winchester hug.

Sins:

⛓ self-sacrifice
⛓ all the murder
⛓ all the torture
⛓ self torture
⛓ unaddressed alcoholism
⛓ betrayal
⛓ indoctrinated hatred
⛓ promiscuity and premarital sex
⛓ infidelity
⛓ all the assault
⛓ battery
⛓ all the breaking and entering
⛓ lying
⛓ sloth
⛓ gluttony
⛓ constantly adjusted moral purview
⛓ prioritizing friends and family's lives over the lives of the innocent
⛓ being the object of God's obsession
⛓ fatal behavior
⛓ suicidal
⛓ reckless abandonment
⛓ child endangerment
⛓ all the kidnapping
⛓ carjacking
⛓ holding almost everyone at gunpoint
⛓ trust issues that usually bite him and everyone else in the ass

Powers/Abilities:

Dean was trained at a very young age in combat and marksmanship. He's an expert in hand to hand, a plethora of firearms, knives, and swords. He has a wealth of supernatural knowledge, including wards and sigils that keep out demons and angels. He knows basic Enochian by heart. He also has knowledge of very basic spells, devil traps, and the incantation to force a demon out of a possessed vessel. He also carries with him a wealth of pop culture knowledge. He is quite the functional alcoholic. Often fighting and driving after having a few. (I'm not encouraging this, just using it as an example...).


Without Chuck's "god armor" (this canon) he's lived with for the last who knows how long, he's still just a better than average fighter who uses his environment to his advantage. Also, indigestion. It's a thing.

Items:

(1) set of brass knuckles
(1) Beretta 92FSs
(1) side by side shotgun (sawed off)
(1) bloody handprint-stained green jacket
(1) journal of John Winchester
(1) all season box set of Dr. Sexy MD


SAMPLES

Network: A tense phone call with Bela Talbot.
Log: TDM