( Not as fully. Dean couldn't see it then, could only express his love (his friendship) in mixtapes and glasses of bourbon. And somewhere along the way they lost Rowena and he lost Cas because he couldn't get past it. He blamed Cas for Mary, somewhere deep down. Trauma piles, things worsen, Jack is killed and the only person to lash out at makes a decision he thought was right. Even Rowena could see something was off between them. But, Dean could only voice his forgiveness. That bitterness and that anger, was so deep-seated. Even with Dean realizing Chuck had been playing been, been writing him, that anger remained.
But, he beat it, didn't he? He lost Cas, but Jack gained an entire universe. And others?
It stings, because he knows Cas made the deal with the Empty to save Jack the first time. So, not only did he go a year and a half with that deal, that secret between them (another secret) but also with feelings he kept to himself.
The feelings, Dean can understand. Because it took Cas until the end of his life to realize them. And Dean lost him.
He looks down at that hand holding his wrist. )
I know your love isn't conditional. Your love for Jack, for Sam. For me.
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Date: 2022-02-12 03:48 pm (UTC)But, he beat it, didn't he? He lost Cas, but Jack gained an entire universe. And others?
It stings, because he knows Cas made the deal with the Empty to save Jack the first time. So, not only did he go a year and a half with that deal, that secret between them (another secret) but also with feelings he kept to himself.
The feelings, Dean can understand. Because it took Cas until the end of his life to realize them. And Dean lost him.
He looks down at that hand holding his wrist. )
I know your love isn't conditional. Your love for Jack, for Sam. For me.