[It takes Castiel a moment to follow what he's saying, going from their time in Duplicity to the last moments they spent together back home. He's silent, still, close enough to touch Dean, to give him some gentle inclination against the guilt, the self-doubt that burdens him, and always will.
He's lived too many lives, paid the price for too many misgivings to not allow himself small favors now and so with a sharp inhale he grabs Dean's wrist. Gentle, each knuckle shifting apart to make room for the skin there, to brace and support.]
I have the pendant. I have nowhere to put it, no idea how to use it. It's ... [Castiel searches himself with his free hand, it takes him a minute - it's a different coat, with different pockets. Eventually, he finds the tiny compass and holds it between his forefinger and thumb, close enough for Dean to inspect.] And the roses... they didn't do much, besides encourage me. If I'm being honest, but Dean what I feel it's not conditional. It wasn't some tool I used just to save you. It's a burden and a boon, and maybe life would be simpler if you- if I hadn't changed in knowing you, but I wouldn't take it back. I can't.
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Date: 2022-02-11 10:11 pm (UTC)He's lived too many lives, paid the price for too many misgivings to not allow himself small favors now and so with a sharp inhale he grabs Dean's wrist. Gentle, each knuckle shifting apart to make room for the skin there, to brace and support.]
I have the pendant. I have nowhere to put it, no idea how to use it. It's ... [Castiel searches himself with his free hand, it takes him a minute - it's a different coat, with different pockets. Eventually, he finds the tiny compass and holds it between his forefinger and thumb, close enough for Dean to inspect.] And the roses... they didn't do much, besides encourage me. If I'm being honest, but Dean what I feel it's not conditional. It wasn't some tool I used just to save you. It's a burden and a boon, and maybe life would be simpler if you- if I hadn't changed in knowing you, but I wouldn't take it back. I can't.